I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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