She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
