Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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