The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
So apparently I’m into choking now
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
