i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Randomize
