I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
