Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
