You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
