You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
