three words: i give head
three words: not that well
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
