He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
