I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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