just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
You left your phone here
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