Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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