Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
