Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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