And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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