So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
