The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
