I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
