You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
