question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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