you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
