I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
