How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
