Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
