Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
