First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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