You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
