She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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