Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I had to cum in my sink.
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