Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
The Olympian is in my bed
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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