I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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