I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
