Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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