I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
