I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
