I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
