Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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