Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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