yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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