her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
