help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
