So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
