you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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