Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
