She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
