Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
