I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
