We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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