I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
