she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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