I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
