Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
