I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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