Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
You did what with his pubic hair?
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