I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
