My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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